For most young guys and ladies in Nigeria now, BlackBerry or BB as it is popularly called is the in thing. Anyone who does not have a BB as his/her phone or one of his phones is definitely not there. Na real wa!
BlackBerry is a line of mobile email and smartphone devices developed and designed by Canadian company Research In Motion (RIM) since 1999. They are designed to function as personal digital assistants, portable media players, internet browsers, gaming devices, and much more. They are primarily known for their ability to send and receive (push) email and instant messages while maintaining a high level of security through on-device message encryption. Blackberry devices support a large variety of instant messaging features, including BlackBerry Messenger
Blackberry cell phones are unique in that some of them have many features such as: a speakerphone system, broadband EV-DO wireless data, EDGE high speed wireless data, trackball, Bluetooth, a full keyboard, a hands-free speaker and EDGE high speed data. BB comes equipped. For instance, you can use it to take pictures and then immediately upload them to the internet. It can also play mp3 files and videos to provide you with entertainment while you are on the go.
However, despite the advantages of BB, the phone is turning some of us to something else. Some of us are so addicted to BB that we have no respect for sacred places anymore. I was shocked when I honoured an invitation to a church sometime last year and saw that BB has swallowed some hearts. I found myself at the gallery and I was dumbfounded at the way the young ones who deliberately sat at the gallery were completely switched off from what was happening around them. Why? They were completely consumed in the pinging syndrome.
What is this? I said to myself. Some of these people were so cut off from what was happening in the Holy place because they had their air piece firmly tucked in their ears and their eyes so fixed on the small screen while the ten fingers were fully occupied on the keyboard of the BB. They were seated in that assembly but they were locked up in their world of fun.
BB in all respect is good but when abuse sets in, then there is a need to watch it. Sometimes, lectures in classes do not make any meaning to us once our BB is on. For some of us who are gainfully employed, time management seem to have been erased from our dictionary as we are now deeply engrossed in our BB chatting or pinging.
The one that is so appalling is lack of restraint on our parts when it comes to the inappropriate use of this device. A guy was so occupied with his BB while walking on a major road that he almost collided with a woman who was walking on the same path. The woman had to quickly clap to let the guy know that he was not on his bed.
Sometimes, it is so annoying when you need the attention of someone may be a friend, colleague etc to attend to a matter urgently and the person forgot because he or she was just pinging. Is pinging actually a time waster? I think you are in the best position to proffer an answer to that.
I don’t know how factual this is, but a man once asked his friend if one would be able to do an effective work on the scriptures if one is deeply involved in the use of BB.
Like we stated earlier, BB is good but we should not abuse it. Time is precious and it is money, we shouldn’t waste it through irrelevancies that we sometimes occupy ourselves with. Moreover, let’s honour God; the few hours we spend in His presence will not debar us of the pleasure of our phone if we know how to spend our time judiciously.
May I sound a note of warning to us that we are indeed very precious to God and all our loved ones? So, let us keep away from using our BB when we are driving or walking on a major road. We don’t want to lose anybody now. “All lovely things will have an ending. All lovely things will fade and die.”Conrad Aiken; U.S. poet and novelist.
Anger can be likened to a bush set on fire during harmattan season. For anyone who had witnessed this scenario, one can conveniently say that fire has no respect for any tree during this period. It consumes without leaving anything behind. Anger is a wild fire that consumes its victim mercilessly. That was probably why Maya Angelo, a writer said, “…but anger is like fire, it burns all clean.” Anger has no respect for gender, religion, creed, status or age.
For instance, what on earth could make a man who occupies an exalted position which had in turn made him a cynosure of all eyes to throw all caution into the wind and put on the garment of temporary insanity all because of a minor issue which culminated into him being angry? Horace, a Roman poet said “Anger is a momentary madness, so control your passion or it will control you.”
Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," Dr Charles Spielberger. In his definition of anger, Dr. Kayode Joshua of Redeemer's Maternity said, “Anger is a latent emotion of varying intensity in all animals including man. Dr. Raymond Lloyd Richmond believes anger is a fact of life. “Our world is filled with violence, hatred, war, and aggression. Psychologically, many theories of human development focus on the infant's struggle with anger and frustration and the primitive fantasies of aggression, guilt, and reparation that result from these feelings. In essence, we grow up with anger right from the beginning of life.”
If it has been established that we grew up with anger from an early age, it then means there is a need for an urgent attention to uproot the bad seed which was planted in us at a tender age that we had become accustomed to. It has become so bad that some of us even see anger as a way of life. For those who are conversant with the Bible, a misappropriate use of the scripture, 'be angry and sin not' has become an excuse for us to be angry but is it actually 100% correct to be angry and not sin? Irrespective of the fact that some believe we grew up with anger or that the situations around arouse anger in us, there is a need to deal with this strange growth that is consuming every virtue in us.
What leads to anger?
According to Pastor Tope Oduseso of CTI Micro finance bank, Lagos, “Anger can be caused by both external and internal events. You could be angry at a specific person (such as a co-worker or supervisor) or event (a traffic jam, a canceled flight), or your anger could be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories of traumatic or enraging events can also trigger angry feelings.”
Mild forms of human anger may include displeasure, irritation or dislike. When we react to frustration, criticism or a threat, we may become angry - and usually this is a healthy response. Anger may be a secondary response to feeling sad, lonely or frightened.
A thousand and one things can lead to anger. For example, when another car suddenly cuts in front of your car on the road, adrenaline pumps into your bloodstream. Your heart rate jumps. Your blood pressure surges. These things however, are just immediate fight-or-flight physiological responses to a perceived threat. Then, in a split second, as a psychological reaction to those immediate physiological responses, indignation and animosity toward the other driver overrun your mind.After these feelings erupt, you fall into the desire for revenge. You honk your horn. You give a dirty look. You scream a curse. And there you have it: anger.
For some of us, anything can lead to anger; from a cup that is not well placed, to a bed not well laid, to a salary not paid on time, to people who don't give us due respect that we feel should accrue to us. The list is endless. Dr (Mrs.) Jumoke Odunsi, MD, Wellcare Home Medicals, Lagos, disclosed that we sometimes become angry when we expect much from others, especially our subordinates.
It should however be noted that there are normal and abnormal responses to anger. Dr. Kayode Joshua disclosed that anger triggers fight or flight responses; the brain shunts away blood from the gut to the muscles in preparation for physical action to be taken either to fight or to flight. At these state, responses in the body such as increased heart rate, high blood pressure, skin perspiration etc start. “Anger has overpowered him, and driven him to a revenge which was rather a stupid one, I must acknowledge, but anger makes us all stupid.” Johanna Spyri, Swiss writer.
Despite our justification of getting angry which is sometimes unnecessary, anger has some health implications which are not positive.
Health problems of anger
Anger is a powerful emotion. However, if not handled appropriately, may have destructive results. Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments, physical fights, physical abuse, assault and self-harm.
The constant flood of stress chemicals and associated metabolic changes that accompany recurrent unmanaged anger can eventually cause harm to many different systems of the body. Some of the short and long-term health problems that have been linked to unmanaged anger include:
·Headache
·Digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
·Insomnia
·Increased anxiety
·Depression
·High blood pressure
·Skin problems, such as eczema
·Heart attack
·Stroke
·Death
Studies have shown that survivor of heart attack who gets angry easily are twice at risk of having another heart attack.
It is worthy of note to state clearly that repressed or bottled anger and anger explosion is dangerous to our health; Anger repression or bottled anger often turns to depression, anxiety and murder plans and eventually murder may be committed. Some even vent their bottled anger on innocent ones like children. Anger explosions lead to physical abuse, isolation, suicide or murder.
Anger and relationships
According to Dr. (Mrs.) Odunsi, if not well managed, anger can create unnecessary fear in the hearts of your sub-ordinates and may even strain your work relationship as they see you as madam know all who becomes touchy at any mistake.
Furthermore, if we are always quick tempered, it keeps us at a distance as many do not want to come near us because of our disposition.
Freedom is curtailed as the other party does not know what to expect from the aggrieved person.
According to Pastor Oduseso, when anger becomes a full-blown rage, our judgment and thinking can become impaired and we are more likely to do and say unreasonable and irrational things.
Anger acts like a poison in our own heart that ultimately degrades the quality of our lives as much as it hurts the life of another person. “An angry man is always a stupid man.”Chinua Achebe, Nigerian novelist. So, even though anger may be “natural”that is, a commonly occurringsocial reaction to hurt and insult, yet being natural doesn't make it good for us. Sure, “natural” foods are commonly advertised as being healthy and good for us. Poisons, for example, are also natural, and poisons, by definition, are deadly. Dr. Raymond
How to manage anger
Pastor Oduseso believes it is not necessarily a sin to be angry. Certainly God does not expect us to rejoice when people do wrong. We must be angry at sin. “God judgeth the righteous, and God is angry with the wicked every day” (Psalm 7:11). Jesus also was angry when he overturned the moneychangers' tables as he cleansed the temple (Mark 11:15-17). However, when we are angry, we want to make sure that our anger does not venture into sin because many sins committed in the wake of anger are like a hot water geyser. They build up and spew out without any control.
A Canadian writer, Laurence J. Peter said, “Speak when you are angryand you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.” This is telling us to always be quiet anytime we are angry because it helps to control our tongues and not utter words that we'll regret when the anger has subsided. “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife” (Proverbs 15:18).
Learn to have a healthy response to feelings of hurt and insult. Follow the hurt back into its roots; go into the past to all those times and circumstances when you felt the same way and uproot it immediately because, failure to recognize old insults only makes the current insult seem far larger than it really is.
Stay away from revenge and learn to forgive easily. Revenge, is what we most commonly experience in our unconscious fantasies when we feel irritated and frustrated.
Dr. kayode said, when you feel out of control, walk away from the situation till you cool down. However, Pastor Oduseso said, when provoked, think before you become angry. Ask yourself a few simple questions. Is this situation worth it? Am I angry because of this situation, or am I angry because something bad in another part of my life is affecting my judgment? Is my getting angry going to affect people in a negative way and hinder good relationships?
Learn about techniques of conflict resolution; see a counselor or psychologist if you still feel angry about past events. Take regular exercise because it has been discovered that people who are stressed are more likely to experience anger. Numerous worldwide studies have documented that regular exercise can improve mood and reduce stress levels.
When we do get angry, we must control ourselves. No problems have ever been solved by losing control. Loss of control builds problems.
We must resolve our anger within the same day it is provoked. A sore left untreated will fester and fester until it becomes infected; it can then cause major complications with serious consequences. We only hurt ourselves when we let anger foster within us. Pastor Oduseso. Ephesians 4:26 says, “…let not the sun go down upon your wrath.”
Above all, ask God for help.
This write up was published in the November 2011 edition of Redemption Light Magazine, the official publication of the Redeemed Christian Church of God
Have you ever wondered why so many people want to be like the Jones' family? When we become contemptible in our own eyes and all we desire is to be like our bunky or roommate, we need to know that something is wrong somewhere? Has it ever crossed our minds that we are not as beautiful as our friend? As if that is not enough, all some of us ever want in life is to have the soft hair and round face that our friend or colleague has? I think the problem is that we just want to be like the lady next door. Could it mean you wanna be like him/her? If the answer is a sincere yes, then, you are probably battling with envy.
In my little search on this topic, I discovered that envy can sometimes be very subtle but its negative effect can be very grave on its carrier. If one is envious of another person's achievement, physique or possessions, the fellow will soon discover that consciously or unconsciously, one will begin to detest that fellow. If we are not careful, before we know it, we'll realize that we are always criticizing or condemning that fellow, then, we need to be careful because our resentment could probably be as a result of being envious of what our friend, boss, colleague, neighbour etc has.
Envy springs up from lack of contentment. Anytime we want to have what another person has and we are resentful, it means we are envious. Anytime we dream of becoming like another person with a little resentment or when we are suddenly irritated by the success of others, then, we need to check ourselves, it may be we are probably envious of that fellow's achievement.
Gore Vidal, a novelist said, “Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies.” If this applies to us, we are really envious and we need a change of attitude. Anytime we discover (if we are sensitive) that we do not genuinely rejoice with our friends or neighbours when they get new cars, phones, iPad etc then we can be rest assured that we have a problem with envy. Most of the time, we desire that we possess what our friends or close associates have. Sometimes, it can be so terrible that we desire what the man on the street has even when we do not know the person's source!
It was George Bernard Shaw, an Irish playwright who said, “The man with toothache thinks everyone is happy whose teeth are sound.” Oh life! Can you imagine, a man with toothache looks at others flashing their teeth and believes all is well with them; ironically, they have so many things they are battling with which when they tell the man with a tooth ache, he will ask for more tooth ache rather than the situation others whom he is envious of find themselves in.
Anytime we discover that we are aggrieved or indignant when we lack another's (Perceived) superior quality, achievement or possession and we either desires it or wishes that the other person lacked it, then we have a problem with envy which must be dealt with quickly. On the other hand, envy can also be derived from a sense of low self-esteem. For example, those results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been he or she who had the desired object.
Although some of us take envy lightly, it's a terrible thing. Solomon said, “A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” Prov 14:30 while Job said, “envy slayeth the silly one” Job 5:2. Envy makes our bones rot and portrays us as silly people. I believe you don't want your bones to rot. However, in order to avoid that, cry to God for help, read good books on how people in your shoes have dealt with this problem. If possible, see a counsellor and stay free from envy, it is possible.
Effectivecommunication occurs only if the receiver understands the exact information or idea that the sender intended to transmit
Do you know that good plans can fail as a result of ineffective communication? For example, many of the problems that occur in an organization are either the direct result of people failing to communicate and/or processes, which leads to confusion and can cause good plans to fail
BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood. — Freeman Teague, Jr.
Anything that prevents understanding of the message is a barrier to communication. Many physical and psychological barriers exist:
oCulture, background, and bias — Our culture, background, and bias can affect our communication. E g, a man from the southern goes to the western to visit and he gets there and stands instead of prostrating. This may interfere with the communication process.
oNoise — Equipment or environmental noise impedes clear communication. The sender and the receiver must both be able to concentrate on the messages being sent to each other.
oOurselves — Focusing on ourselves, rather than the other person can lead to confusion and conflict. The “Me Generation” is out when it comes to effective communication. Some of the factors that cause this are defensiveness (we feel someone is attacking us), superiority (we feel we know more that the other), and ego (we feel we are the center of the activity).
oPerception — If we feel the person is talking too fast, not fluently, does not articulate clearly, etc., we may dismiss the person. Also our preconceived attitudes affect our ability to listen. We listen uncritically to persons of high status and dismiss those of low status.
oMessage — Distractions happen when we focus on the facts rather than the idea. Our educational institutions reinforce this with tests and questions. Semantic distractions occur when a word is used differently than you prefer. For example, the word chairman instead of chairperson, may cause you to focus on the word and not the message.
oEnvironmental — Bright lights, an attractive person, unusual sights, or any other stimulus provides a potential distraction. You want to propose to a lady now, you now took her to a place that smells; there will be distraction.
oSmothering — (overpower, oppress) We take it for granted that the impulse to send useful information is automatic. Not true! Too often we believe that certain information has no value to others or they are already aware of the facts.
oStress — (tired, anxiety, trauma, fatigue, weary, burdened) People do not see things the same way when under stress. Eg, someone just her hubby or failed an examination you say look at that beautiful dress.What we see and believe at a given moment is influenced by our psychological frames of references — our beliefs, values, knowledge, experiences, and goals.
HOW TO ENHANCE EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Avoid ambiguity --As a manager/missionary (concerned with getting things done) your view of words should be pragmatic (practical, realistic, no-nonsense) rather than philosophical. Thus, words mean not what the dictionary says they do but rather what the speaker intended.
Be consistent
Speak comfortable words! — William Shakespeare
oWhen speaking or trying to explain something, ask the listeners if they are following you.
oEnsure the receiver has a chance to comment or ask questions.
oTry to put yourself in the other person's shoes — consider the feelings of the receiver.
oBe clear about what you say.
oLook at the receiver.
oMake sure your words match your tone and body language (nonverbal behaviours).
oVary your tone and pace.
oDo not be vague, but on the other hand, do not complicate what you are saying with too much detail.
oDo not ignore signs of confusion.
Paul Ekman ---In the mid 1960s, Paul Ekman studied emotions and discovered six facial expressions that almost everyone recognizes world-wide: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust, and surprise.
Eye contact: This helps to regulate the flow of communication. It signals interest in others and increases the speaker's credibility. People who make eye contact open the flow of communication and convey interest, concern, warmth, and credibility.
oFacial Expressions: Smiling is a powerful cue that transmits happiness, friendliness, warmth, and liking. So, if you smile frequently you will be perceived as more likable, friendly, warm and approachable. Smiling is often contagious and people will react favourably. They will be more comfortable around you and will want to listen more.
oGestures: If you fail to gesture while speaking you may be perceived as boring and stiff. A lively speaking style captures the listener's attention, makes the conversation more interesting, and facilitates understanding.
oPosture and body orientation: You communicate numerous messages by the way you talk and move. Standing erect and leaning forward communicates to listeners that you are approachable, receptive and friendly. Interpersonal closeness results when you and the listener face each other. Speaking with your back turned or looking at the floor or ceiling should be avoided as it communicates disinterest.
oProximity: have a comfortable distance for interaction with others. You should look for signals of discomfort caused by invading the other person's space. Some of these are: rocking, leg swinging, tapping, and gaze aversion.
oVocal: Speaking can signal nonverbal communication when you include such vocal elements as: tone, pitch, rhythm, timbre, loudness, and inflection. For maximum teaching effectiveness, learn to vary these six elements of your voice. One of the major criticisms of many speakers is that they speak in a monotone voice. Listeners perceive this type of speaker as boring and dull.
